A Child's Bath. Mary Cassatt. 1891.Several years ago a psychologist named Laurie Miller Brotman studied preschool-age siblings of older children who were already acquainted with the criminal-justice system. These children were from low income, inner city, and often minority families.
Brotman's team tested levels of cortisol, a hormone that spikes when human beings are under stress. When these children were exposed to stressful situations, instead of observing a spike, their cortisol levels remained flattened.
Parents that were raised in homes where yelling, multiple verbal and physical threats were imposed, are going to repeat the same behaviors raising their own children.
We learn what we live. When children are subjected to repeated verbal and physical threats from their caregivers, over time these stimuli no longer create escalated stress/cortisol levels. Children learn to adapt to their environment.
Brotman and a team of Family Pyschologists divided the children and parents into Control and Test Groups. The provided the Test Group with Family Interventions and Counseling. They modeled forms of consistent discipline, rewards for good behavior, even things as simple as getting down on the floor to play. And the children's cortisol levels returned to normal. By the time these children were 11, they had significantly lower levels of aggression and obesity than their peers in the Control Group.
"Parenting is a much more separate, solitary activity than it used to be," says Harold S. Koplewicz, the director of the NYU Child Study Center. And he's right... for the most part. There are still places in the world (decreasing rapidly) where child-rearing is not the pursuit of mothers and fathers alone. Indigenous tribes in areas of Africa, New Guinea, and other Pacific Islands still participate in the age old mantra: "It takes a Village."
These tribes know something that we seem to have lost in our modern world. Women and men in their teens and twenties are still in many ways, children themselves, however their bodies are young and strong to handle the rigor of child birth. In these tribes, young people are "child-bearers," but the elders are the "child-rearers." Children are not taken away from their biological parents, but they are not left with them to fend for themselves either. Children in these situations, grow up viewing dozens of people as intimately as their mother and father.
Brotman brings up a good point in her study: Parents in the modern world are sitting at home reading parenting books and wondering "Why is this so hard for me?" Isn't raising children supposed to be glorious, magical and above all... shouldn't I just "get this?"
This is a huge misconception, although you're probably guilty of it even if you agree with everything I'm saying here. Imagine you're standing in the checkout line and you see a mother struggling to put groceries on the conveyor belt. Her 5 year old asks for a candy bar and she says "no." The child begins to shriek: "I want a candy bar!" The Mother tries to stand firm at first, but as the child's screams draw more attention the Mother begins to plead: "Mommy will give you a snack at home if you are quiet." Bystanders are awkwardly trying not to stare, and she grabs a Snickers and throws it in with the rest of her items. Screaming ceases instantly. I've seen this, and inwardly wanted to scream: "Helloooo, this isn't rocket science lady!"
But I'm not a parent. And assuming that I would handle my children any better is part of another bigger problem: separatism and lack of compassion in modern society. I was the result of an amazing upbringing. My mother was an Early Childhood Education major that went to Seminary to become a Minister. She was the daughter of two teachers herself. Even my insanely prepared mother who I love immensely has shared with me, huge regrets from my years as a child. If SHE can struggle, we must show compassion to those who were not as fortunate in life. When we read stories about mothers who dump their babies off in a park, or shake them until it results in brain damage we must stop saying things like:
"I just don't understand that woman."
Brotman is saying:
"We should understand it." If you want to read about her Parent Corps program that she started in New York City Preschools, Click
HERE. This has fascinating implications for Education.